


Unfair

by narcissisticSpaghetti



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depressing, Land of Light and Rain, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 21:07:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6255889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narcissisticSpaghetti/pseuds/narcissisticSpaghetti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short blurb from Rose's POV about three days after entering the medium.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unfair

I never considered that this would happen. The world before me was hard to look at, it was so bright, the colors vibrant and shadows undulated in my peripheral vision. It was hard to think, when my eyes stung, a hand trying to block some of the direct light from above.

The air smelled clean, fruity and a little spicy. There was no sound, other than the soothing whisper of the water. I could almost taste it, swelling casually over the rocks, meters away from my toes. Faint sprays of mist made their way all the way over to me, caressing my cheeks like butterfly kisses.

The unfamiliar sensory input was a little unnerving, but I knew there was nothing to be afraid of. The panic of my situation was a mere subtle scratching at the back of my mind. You could barely call it annoying.

Time seemed to stand still, if you will forgive the cliché.

A stray thought reminded me of Jaspers, absently batting at the air while he snored. He so often dreamt of things to chase. The memory brought a smile to my face, though it was gone soon after.

I wasn’t sure why I was standing so high up. Perhaps I always did have a flair for the dramatic, though I was very good at hiding it behind flowery words. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of the bright light warming me up, the thick red haze pushing gently on my eyelids.

A small chime alerted me to a message from a friend, but I didn’t move to grab the offending device.

The bright light went away, and I opened one eye a crack to see a large cloud drifting lazily overhead. I could hear the drizzle of rain only moments before the first drop hit my cheek. I closed my eye again against the splash, but I didn’t bother to move.

Somehow, the rain is an even more soothing event than the sun, full of sound and cool water and hundreds of tiny stimuli. It drowns itself out, until you are left in an almost silent humming trance, water dripping down your face and into your ears and shirt and your shoes eventually, but you don’t really care.

The rain didn’t last as long as I’d have liked, though I knew from the sound of it that another wave was coming not long after. I took the lull in the weather to consider why I came up in the first place.

My phone chimed again before I could think for long, and this time I took a glance at the screen. It was wet, but not worryingly so, and the message it displayed was nothing worth moving for.

I threw it off the building.

I had never given myself time to process what was happening. It had been days since we entered the medium and I don’t think it had finally set in yet. I was too busy taking care of the others, making sure that everyone knew what to do and starting in on our tasks to think about what we had given up, however unintentionally, by turning on the game.

I would never finish school, I realized.

School was the worst thing many people say they have ever experienced, many barely remember it at all, for some it is the best years of their life. I had always been ahead of the curve, overachieving and rebelling subtly but at least it was something to do. And here I found myself immensely sentimental about the concept of school.

So simple, so many people take it for granted, this horrifying concept of mediocre education, cardboard pizza, chalkboards and making mistakes.

Prom. I would never go to prom.

I had always had a secret fantasy of wearing some beautifully creative gown to Prom and arriving with some strapping someone at my side. I had considered asking Dave, if just to know I had a friend with me. If I didn’t meet someone I could fall for in time.

A car. Such a powerful symbol of independence. Learning to drive, crashing for the first time even.

A lover, a wedding. Kids.

I was never particularly interested in kids, but I had never expected the choice would be taken away from me. Given the situation in front of me it didn’t seem reasonable to expect I would live long enough to be ready for them, let alone be able to provide for them in this sort of environment. Who knows, beyond the game there might be hope, but it feels unlikely.

I felt cheated out of my life.

Mom. I haven’t heard from mom in days.

Words cannot express the profound sadness of realizing you may never see your mother again. Even though our relationship had been closer to frenemies than most would expect from a mother and daughter, there was still a connection I had always felt to her. A deep sense of respect and admiration for putting up with me and everything else she did. Even if her relationship with alcohol was sometimes enviable. A powerful sob ripped through my body, my lungs felt tight and I couldn’t tell if it was rain on my cheek or actual tears.

I hadn’t noticed the rain coming again, but the sudden realization triggered something I hadn’t let myself touch in days. Another sob poured from my mouth, and then another, I felt my eyes get hot despite the cool water and my nose began to feel tight.

This was real. This wasn’t going away. This wasn’t foreseeably temporary. Our lives were effectively derailed, and this new track was anything but typical. And none of us were prepared for this.

I could feel the pressure bubbling up through my throat toward my lips, and before it got there I gathered all the pain, frustration, all the anger that I could, every tear and every resentment. I gathered it up and pushed it to the back of my throat. I could feel it gathering, the tight, bloated tension. This felt like the perfect spot, as high up as I could go, the rain in my face and the light obscured behind the clouds.

I opened my mouth and screamed.


End file.
